Monday, April 30, 2012

MBFWA Shoe Porn Day 1

The first day of MBFWA has come and gone, and so has my cold. I don't know if seeing Christina Centenera, Susie Bubble, Tommy Ton, Phil Oh, Candice Lake, Jasmin Sewell, Jimmy Barnes' wife and a million other ridicuously well-dressed people has shocked the germs inside my body from attacking me. Or maybe it's just luck. I even had a 'sick' tote bag, filled with a box of tissues, a tub of VapoRub, a 1.5L bottle of water, Nurofen tablets and bandaids. I finally got to meet adorable Connie from K is for Kani (after what seems like years of reading each other's blogs). We (Connie, Marcus from MARTAN Main and I) crashed a Harper's Bazaar event and reaised we were in the same room as Susie, Centenera, Edwina McCann and a whole host of staff from Harper's. So we did the only logical thing. Take sneaky and then dorky photos with Susie Bubble and left before anyone realised we weren't supposed to be there. The strangest part of today was probably bumping into both of my bosses from my retail jobs.

I ended up getting so much content, so to kick it all off, there is no better way than with some quality shoe porn.


If anyone could I.D. these that would be much appreciated - neon strappy block heeled goodness at its finest. Colourblocking different parts of your feet is the new thing to do.
Edit: They're by Giuseppe Zanotti! Thanks everyone

Christian Louboutin studde Pigalles.

Ellery guillotine ankle boot

Marcus from MARTAN Main's UNIF spiked loafers 

Amazing structural heels - concrete jungle mixed with splashes of sea wave suede. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

Brain Splatter

Blazer: Zara / Mug: A gift (although they're around $10 on eBay!) / Boots: ASOS / Bag: Tilkah / Skirt: Show PonySocks: We Love ColorsBelt: Thrifted / Letter necklace: Dallas & CarlosBlack bracelet: Wanderlust + CoWatch: Triwa / Sunglasses: Karen Walker

Two of my favourite things right now: my new Triwa watch and my camera thermos flask. Walking around uni drinking from a lens gets so many strange looks - I just pretend that I'm wealthy enough to be buying telephoto lenses for the sake of hollowing them out for coffee-drinking purposes. Winner!

I haven't yet adjusted to the practicality of owning and wearing a watch - I immediately get all 21st century on time's ass and check my phone when I need steps. My first time piece, ever (besides when I was 5 and wore market-bought watches that doubled as Shrek's head opening up). We're stocking them at Brent Wilson in the Galeries now and my manager and I went all matchy-matchy and bought the same watch in different colours. He bought the tan version and nearly convinced me to swap with him on the spot. This is the same guy who tricks me into covering his coffee breaks when I'm only visiting and not actually working. He's clever like that.

My incredibly stylish buddy, Jion, wearing Stylestalker and American Apparel. She chided me for being too hyped up on coffee right after I took this photo and proceeded to dance around her.

Left: Babein' Brydie from Wolfcub Chronicles in her amazing baroque shirt at the Shopbop showings.

Top right: My friend Julie is something of a tattoo artist. The type of tattoo that doesn't ask for any commitment and is equal parts disturbing and conversation-starting: a pen drawing of a grown person climbing out of someone's womb - reverse c-section style.

Bottom right: Priya, a student from UNSW wearing an amazing Sportsgirl necklace and MJ watch (I sat there ogling her neck for a while...until I realised it must have looked like I was checking out her rack.)

Some Shopbop prettiness at their showing.. Rag & Bone, Alice + Olivia floral suit (I don't care how in or out it is...turning a garden into suitwear is nothing short of genius) and A.L.C leather pants.

Jean-Michel Cazabat neon pink strappy stilettos.

Above and below: The Boohoo launch at Pink Salt at Double Bay - if I start converting my shoes into vases, Boohoo are to blame. They've recently launched down and under and they're all about affordable (when I say affordable...I mean AFFORDABLE. I am pretty much the authority on affordability given my dire spending habits and looming university debt). Chuck in some free shipping and you've got a pretty sweet concoction in your shoe-vase.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Don Drapage

You know those days when all fifty of your plans fall through and you're left with what seems like a nightmarish situation - a day completely free to do as you please. You could go sky diving. You could do the groceries. You could follow a stranger home and leave a lock of your hair in their lettterbox. Today, I was faced with that kind of day. Being faced with no plans at all leaves an alarming taste of panic in my mouth - having to juggle a million things at once (two internships, uni, writing for the uni magazine, my blog, two retail jobs, two styling/stylist's assistant jobs) means any free time is eyeballed with the utmost suspicion and the inevitable fear of wasting time.

I ended up bush walking. My friends drove me to a random hill connected to a bush of sorts, and two of them went bolting into the bush, limbs akimbo, as if running into a forest like a spastic would serve any purpose. I meowed at a friendly neighborhood cat, who replied with gusto by letting me maul it, and then scratching itself by doing the Thriller dance move while lying on the floor. Did I get anything done? No. But it was nice to do nothing to remind myself that doing nothing is just what I need sometimes.

Pants: Slouch Jersey Pant by Bassike
Jacket: Loft by Ann Taylor
Sunnies: Karen Walker
Bag: Etsy
Belt: Thrifted
Boots: Senso on sale
Cuff: Wanderlust + Co
Watch: Triwa

These are my lazy poo pants - they are wonderfully slouchy, stretchy and lightweight. Ticking off all the boxes in my search for pieces that are versatile, comfortable, effortlessly chic and let me carry as many food babies as I want. I was never one to spend anything over $30 (yes I am a cheapskate) on basics but I've come to appreciate the incredibly quality of the material that brands like Bassike and Jac + Jack use, and the incredible crafting of their deceptively simple basics.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Off-duty Cheerleader

 This is what I call my off-duty cheerleader look, mixed in with a healthy dose of zombie and attempted practicality...aka what I look like when I'm running two hours late for uni and have about negative three minutes to dress. So I did what I do everyday. I picked things off my floor and ran out of my house. I should take this moment to complain about the state of Sydney's public transportation. Hopefully with enough e-complaints, Cityrail will compensate me for the un-explained increase in ticket price by DOING SOMETHING. Although I guess I can't place the blame on the corporation for fellow commuters who repeatedly hack up phlegm, those who wear southern cross boardshorts and yell down phones saying "OH BUT SHE'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SOUL", and fervently-in-love teenage couples copulating in abandoned carriages (I encountered all of the above on my way to and from university today).

Jacket: Best of Both Worlds Jacket via Beginning Boutique
Pleather pleat Skirt:
Socks: My Dad's
Boots: ASOS
Scarf: Very poor quality via Ebay
Bag: Tilkah


I watched the movie Airplane! last night and it was one of the funniest movies I've ever had the pleasure of watching. I highly recommend it - although the humour is incredibly slap-stick and literal. The whole affair was ridiculous - my favourite kind of cinema. One of the best lines in the film:


Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Dress: ASOS
Clutch: Ebay
Heels: Zara
Bangles/wrist candy: Thrifted
Black Floral Ring: Georgini

The movement in this dress makes up for the fact that my short stature results in the hem being far longer than on me than it's supposed to be. Hemlines are my enemy. Tailoring is my friend.

I lost my iphone on the train a few days back and long story short, I don't have Find my iPhone, and it's gone. To think that I spent so much effort making sure I Jess-proofed the crap out of it (think stainless steel bumper, real wooden skin on either side, double layer of screen protectors...), my forgetfulness wins once again. Someone should just follow me around when I travel on trains because you'd probably make a killing selling off all the things I accidentally leave behind on trains.

I've been meaning to share this for a while. Terry Urban mixed Biggie with Del Rey and the results are impressive. I think Biggie has been mixed with almost everything...I've even got a Notorious B.I.G. x Frank Sinatra mixtape somewhere in my iTunes up should be B.I.G. x One Direction. I would laugh.

Lucky Struggle (Everyday Struggle by Notorious B.I.G. mixed with Lucky Ones by Lana Del Rey)

Monday, April 16, 2012

Paisley Columns

Where words fail, saliva speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson.
Not really. But I am speechless, and there is a pile of spit slowly pooling in the crevices between the keys of my keyboard as I stare catatonic at this dress, my fingers robotically entering letters to form words that is this paragraph. There aren't a million ways to say something is beautiful - so I'll let the images do the talking.

Paisley bow gown and Scarf print gown both by MANGO

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Beyond the Sea

This photo is impossibly beautiful. I'd like to think this is what Ariel looks like when she became human...that is, a brunette, blinged-up version of Ariel. Those jewelled, embellished high-waisted hot pants look like they're an extension of her body, almost like a natural mineral mutation. With that grainy film effect and the dark dusk tones, this is one of the most striking photos from a fashion editorial I've come across in a while.

Beyond the Sea by Chris Nicholls for Flare Magazine. Styled by Elizabeth Cabral, Model: Bekah Jenkins. Hair and makeup: Simone Otis. Via Fashion Gone Rogue

Some goodness I've had on repeat:

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Miss Shop Blogger Project

...Also known as the The Dirty Dewey Decimal System. It was quite apt, though, considering the amount of books I get through (I get through about 2 a week - how's that for spending time on public transport productively.) My love for reading is immortalised in my 'graduation award' back when I was 12 - my award was for "Being the biggest bookworm." The librarian was my best friend. I was also head librarian. This is not a joke.

This is what the team from Pedestrian.TV and Miss Shop came up with for my partaking in the Miss Shop Blogger Project!. Big ups to Richard Kavanagh for covering my mess of a grown-out undercut with extensions and the bangin' curled fringe (my hair goes down to my BUTT. He gave me a free haircut AND managed to curl it into a believable fringe), Bex Sheers for styling all the Miss Shop pieces and putting them together with incredible fragile harnessy accessories, Erin Shaw for making me look like "Lucy Liu on crack" /quote unquote...and of course Elvis Di Fazio for shooting the whole thing and helping me loosen up a bit while balancing three books on my head, with an apple in my mouth.

You guys can check out all the photos and styling tidbits and everyone else's babeness for the Miss Shop Blogger Project, right on over here.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Turtleneck (and chain)

Turtleneck: Sparkle & Fade from Urban Outfitters
Pleated teal skater skirt: Showpony
Faux leather jacket: Zara TRF
Teal socks: Miss Shop from a million years ago
Ankle boots: Betsey Johnson via
Sunglasses: Karen Walker
Bag: Lee Loong Studio on Etsy

Turtlenecks are no joke. If you are unfamiliar with the song that is this post's title's namesake, pay no heed to the 600 tabs you've got open and listen. Also, I'll decide the winner of the cuff tomorrow - I'm kind of poooped. Back to turtlenecks. I used to cringe at the sight of that extra material attached to the top of a sweater in lieu of a's comparable to the wrinkly skin on your elbow. Fast forward ten years and it's love. Any garment that lets me be lazy and combine two pieces in one - A WIN IN MY BOOKS. I just wish I had a thick gold gangsta chain to go with it. One day. I promise you this.

I know this bag has blatantly taken some sneaky details from the imitable 3.1 Phillip Lim tote that everyone's been carting around, but I like how they only borrowed a detail instead of ripping off the whole bag. Made out of real leather, roomy as shit and the pop of orange does any drab outfit huge favours. Emphasis on the big. I should do a what's-in-my-bag post one day because the amount of crap I cart around daily is enough to make a grown man cry. Not just a saying - my grown ass man friend tried carrying my bag in an act of gallantry and meekly offered it back to me after 5 minutes. I am woman, hear me roar.

In other news - Flight of the Conchords is touring Australia. FINA-FRICKEN-LLY. I pretty much spent all my high school years singing Bret You've Got it Goin' On to all my friends instead of complimenting them. SO EXCITED TO SEE THESE BOYS LIVE.

And as always, an embarrassing, goofy photo to round this post off:

Friday, April 6, 2012


Easter is fantastic. It gives me an excuse to consume copious amounts of chocolate. I do this every single day, but's different. Today, I don't feel guilty - because I'm reassured in the fact that the rest of the world are also walking around with chocolate-smeared grins. No wonder it's a public holiday - how can anyone function with the amount of sugar speeding through everyone's veins this long weekend? Another reason why today is fantastic, there are two new Kanye songs out - one being part of the ongoing G.O.O.D Fridays. Listen to them here. This verse is so fun to rap along to:

Drop it to the flo', make that ass shake.
Woah, make the ground move, that's an ass-quake.
Build a house up on that ass, that's an ass-tate.
Roll my weed on it, that's an ass-tray.

Blazer: Zara
Necklace: Dallas & Carlos
Tapered Trousers: $20 from some random Ebay store (HOLLA AT ME, MASS PRODUCED ASIAN GOODS).
Studded cuff: Wanderlust + Co
Gold claw cuff: ASOS
Gold glitter heels: Zara
White button-up:
Belt: Thrifted

So...I bought another claw cuff from ebay because I thought I had lost my ASOS one (although it was just under my it got there, I have no idea. It's not a tooth, Jess, you're not going to be visited by mythical money-generous fairies). I seem to do this way too often - I ordered another university I.D. after thinking I lost my one...and then I found it in my underwear drawer. Fantastic. So, I'm giving away a claw cuff because I have no use for two - does anyone? All you have to do is leave a comment and tell me What would you do if you wore this cuff but it materialised into a real claw, attached to a real-ass monster, who was about to eat you whole? Most creative and effective escape/defense plan wins. I'll pick a winner in 48 hours. Leave your e-mail!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Cheese & Olives

Thanks so much for all your entries in the bag giveaway! Reading through your responses to what the weirdest thing in your bag was gave me a good laugh...but at the same time found me giving my monitor some pretty strong crazy eye. You guys seem to enjoy carrying WEAPONS (nunchucks, a dagger, a BAG OF KITCHEN KNIVES?!), using your handbags as pantries (a tub of cheese, one year expired chips, lime slices, a single hard boiled egg), carrying LIVE ANIMALS (someone's brother's pet iguana [impressive], dogs, cats, a dog's hairbrush)...and the downright strange (a stool sample, a urine sample a large pink dildo, a nappy filled with pee, grandmother's dentures). It makes me happy and proud to know my readers are a bunch of dangerous, hungry, animal-loving weirdos. I say that with the utmost affection. I think I'll be doing these types of giveaways more often. Enough rambling. The Winner is Nadhia Rahmatika! I've contacted you by e-mail, Nadhia :-) x

Dress: Thrifted..$4!!
Fur vest: Wish
Long cigarette holder (my male friend actually used it to smoke all night): Ebay
Heels: Wittner
Lipstick: Russian Red by MAC

I dressed up as Cruella DeVille for a party the other day...except my black/white wig refused to show itself in the mail on time so I ended up looking like an anime character in a ballgown with a sub-par white bob I picked up at the local costume store. I looked progressively more and more underwhelming with every drink...eventually just looking like any Asian girl with messed up hair in a floor-length gown, screaming when they played a Notorious B.I.G. song, and then being the only person on that boat to know the lyrics (and scream themselves hoarse to it). Big thank you to the readers I met who chanted "Jess Loves Fred...Jess Loves Fred...Jess Loves Fred" for no particular reason. Above I present to you, anime Jess (follow me on Instagram!: @fartssica)

Faux-fur collar blazer: Loft by Ann Taylor via eBay
Dress: Showpony
Belt and cuff: ASOS
Boots: Urban Outfitters
Sunglasses: Karen Walker
Necklace: Handmade via Etsy

And off comes the jacket! I've always wanted to do a post where I just get increasingly naked with every photo until I'm left wearing only three carefully positioned spoons. Nudist/cutlery chic. Watch this space.

In the spirit of National Poetry Month in the U.S., (Australia never gets nice things) I'll be posting one of my favourite poems alongside every blog post in the month of April (and try my hardest to resist the temptation of copy-pasting the incredibly long piece of wonder that is T.S. Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock). To kick off the iambic pentameter party:

Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.