Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Like a G6.

It's hard to believe that everything to do with school is completely over - by things i mean anything that involves every person I've spent the past 5 years with. That's all there is. Everything is finally done. I'm just going to momentarily pretend to forget about the releasing of my HSC scores on the 15th of December, because remembering it makes me spaz out a little and consume one too many chocolate chip cookies.

Dress: ASOS Black.
Shoes: Fendi knock-offs from eBay.
Jewellery: Lovisa, Sportsgirl
Bag: Sportsgirl
Make up: Done by Theresa from Somewhere, Someday

Because of a lack of any satisfactory photo of my shoes:

The reactions to my outfit were really mixed. It ranged from "daring" (my Mod. Hist. teacher) to "so you" (not sure if she meant that I am the personification of lingerie and the queen of questionable sexual behaviour or I'm just..skimpy) to "your dress is see-through" and "I can see your black Bonds underwear". I am Queen of the VPL. I was pretty happy with my outfit though, even though the bodysuit-type thing underneath kept deciding to head down south, and the chiffon straps of my heels decided to give up on life and be saggier than an elderly man's testicles, and my earrings were so big I was so sure that if I had left them in any longer, my earlobes would be permanently droopy.

I'll let you all in on a secret. I was only wearing one earring. It's because I only have one ear pierced, so I decided to shove all my hair to one side, and show only one earring. I am a genius.

Everyone looked so gorgeous. A few of my friends made their own dresses too, and that completely blows my mind. If I tried to make my own dress it'd come out looking like a 5 year old's craft project. I didn't really have time to take proper outfit photos, so this'll have to do.

The formal itself was decent. All I really remember is dancing to music like Shots by LMFAO and G6 by Far East Movement and watching the teachers out of the corner of my eye looking confused as to why everyone was so excited about lyrics that make about as much sense as a tree painting its toenails. And (literally) breaking the dance floor. And eating everyone's bread rolls. And watching people be amused at and try on every piece of jewellery I had on.

And afterwards, I pretty much went to Venus and back. It went like this: Formal > upstairs to a hotel party that didn't seem so fun so we left > drove to the city > went to a secret room and played Jenga, pool and Monopoly, fell asleep, watched Inglorious Basterds and Eastern Promises > headed to City Hunter (net cafe), played Maplestory and Starcraft > ate breakfast at McDonalds > drove everyone home > headed to a park and sat there watching kids play cricket > drove back to the hotel party to see how all the hungover kids were doing > drove to McDonalds again > drove to Strathfield, ate breakfast at Pumpkin > home at 2pm. Internet games, Mcdonalds, and Jenga. That's how hardcore I am.

Further proof of what a rebel I am: I had a bonfire yesterday.......in a bowl in a park. We were discussing getaway plans beforehand in case the cops came along, and it sounded pretty bad ass...until I remembered all we were doing was pretty much eating marshmallows and doritos in a park. I love my friends. Hope you're all having a good week x

And again, I'm going to complain about my lack of a decent lens. Which explains the over-processing on some of these photos. My method of mourning is through abuse of the Curves function on Photoshop. Oh, and if you would like to see a video of me getting chased by a dog on crack, and sing the anti-rape song...head over here.

By Drei.

By Manilame.

And two drawings that readers sent in. Do keep sending them in, they make my day.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Fashion Gone Rogue

Pre-prepared draft post, being posted at 5.17AM at a City Hunter somewhere in the city, fresh after formal. I'm pretty bored because all my mates are playing Starcraft and I have had no sleep. So here I am, blogging. With one nail torn off halfway, using the tip of a full-finger armor ring to type (and feeling like a massive android bad ass), in my formal shoes, formal bodysuit, someone else's shorts, and some other guy's ten-times-too-big blazer, cat flick eyeliner and greasy dance hair.

Expect an outfit post tomorrow.

And how gorgeous is this editorial. The tones, draping, fabric, everything is so damn luxe and rich it could be vomiting out money.

Julie Rode by Andreas Öhlund for DV Mode

Friday, November 26, 2010


So tomorrow's my formal, and it's 1.56AM and I can't get to bed. I know the quality of my photos and my posts just keep decreasing and decreasing, I have no time anymore to blog. It also doesn't help that my 50mm decided to give up on life and break. I'm not feeling any excitement whatsoever for formal. I just tried on my complete outfit and it looks so crazy schizophrenic. Like both heaven and hell decided to vomit on my body and create some sort of horrible hybrid creature of satanism and lingerie and peaches and cream and reproduction. You'll understand when I outfit post on Sunday.

Top: Tattoo
Tutu: Children's, thrifted
Booties: Birthday gift
Necklace: Colette
Bag: Thrifted
Belt: Thrifted
Bracelet Equip

So, I'm stuck with this shitty kit lens until I can scrape together enough money (JOB PLEASE?) to afford another prime lens. Wore this to a good friend's 18th birthday dinner to eat at a Sushi buffet. All-you-can-eat buffet is taxing on the system, man. No joke. There's only so much raw fish, tempura prawn and udon noodles my 45kg body can take before food pregnancies happen. The size of my food baby from today could probably outweigh a small baby elephant.

It didn't really help that my awful DIY job on this children's dress pretty much restricted any chance of movement or breathing. It was originally a child's flower girl dress, I presume, and it was about size 00000. So being the master seamstress I am, I grabbed my sister's craft scissors, cut off the tiny bustier that was too small for even my lack of an Asian chest, and cut the hem halfway up my thigh. It resulted in a makeshift tutu that was passable if you just glanced at it, but was impossible to wear via the normal way (pulling it up past your hips), so I have to put it on over my shoulders like a t-shirt.

My friend's reaction to this outfit: Bro, you look ruthless. Who the fuck wears a tutu out? You're ruthless.

And being underage sucks. They all went to Star City to gamble or whatever fresh 18 year olds do (this particular 18 year old lept all over the place like an excited little gremlin yelling about his newfound ability to buy cigs and alcohol). I was stuck in the Star City foyer, bumming around, taking photos of myself. And this is the second time it's happened. Damn being one of the last people in my grade to turn 18.

But being legal/18 won't change the fact that when I drink even just 5mL of alcohol, my face decides to retaliate and betray the fact that I consumed alcohol to the whole world by turning a very embarassing shade of red. Like my body subconsciously knows I'm 6 months underage and is punishing me by screaming "I CAN'T HANDLE ALCOHOL VERY WELL, THROW BRICKS AT ME" through the pigmentation of my face.

And I just realised how negative this whole post is. So to add a little cheer...CHRISTMAS IS COMING. The one time of the year I can sing Jackson 5 songs without looking like a complete idiot. And how come I only just realised how incredible Vampire Diaries is? Damon is like the vampiric, evil version of Chace Crawford.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

All Along - Kid Cudi

So right now I'm meant to be at some birthday cruise but I got lazy and couldn't muster up the energy to strap on my reliable studded mary janes and squeeze into a skirt. So here I am, watching TV in my flanellete PJs and regretting the amount of chocolate that passed through the gates of my teeth today. I'm cool. My life - it's exciting.

Blouse: Thrifted
Skirt: $10 from some store
Boots: http://www.lovelyshoes.net/
Necklace: Colette
Bangle with tag still attached Freshly bought from Colette for my formalllllll this Friday!
Socks: Random men's socks
Photos: All taken by Shirley Cai

I am actually really pumped up for formal on Friday. A full day filled with girly pampering followed by dancing at the formal in an inappropriately lingerie-like dress in front of teachers followed by a night in some hotel with amazing people. I was chilling with my friends last night - bonfire, marshmallows and all, and it was intensely sweet. It made the pounding headache i got afterwards that felt like tiny gnomes were inside my head mining for gold, worth it.

I'm starting to doubt my formal outfit choice, though. After much Facebook stalking (if you don't know me personally, know that I am a master at the art of FB stalking), I've noticed that most girls opt for a maxi/floor-length. Which is suitable...since it's a Year 12 formal. And my dress is basically crotch length. If it got any shorter I'd have to surgically remove my private parts so I'm not charged for indecent public exposure.

Complimentary fake forced half smile with every purchase.

And I really, really, really want to go to the Jack Johnson concert but I have nobody to go with. That man is so amazing.

Shirley Cai's Flickr photostream

And how gorgeous is this drawing that Celine did of me? She sent it through my Formspring and it made my day. I look so much more attractive in cartoon form than I do in the flesh. Look at how she drew my knees. You can't even tell that I have the coordination of a toaster and my knees have suffered the consequences of 24082528 falls and scrapes.

Celine's Tumblr

I've got a grip on you.

ASOS, ARE YOU SERIOUS? I cannot handle this much intensity in a bangle at this time in a morning after a week of this much sleep. My brain is so scrambled right now I could probably put it on a piece of toast and eat it for breakfast. This bangle is amazing. I love Pamela Love's jewellery, but 1 grand for a bangle? I have better things to spend my money on. Like chicken nuggets and sparkly shoes.

I imagine wearing this bracelet would be the equivalent of having a dragon BFF. Anyone would feel safe having a giant dragon plated in gold holding your hand. Dark seedy alleyways at 3am? Bring it on.

ASOS Wrap around Claw Clamp Braclet

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Caged up

When I first laid eyes on this dress last year, I fell in love. It was like the love child of Lady Gaga and a spider. A Lady Gaga spider dress. What's not to love about that? Except it was $250. And then it was sold out. And after a year's worth of toiling and repetitive eBay searches and hair pulling, it was finally mine. My friend came over the other day and the first thing he said when he saw the dress was: "What the fuck? That's a dress? I thought that was a cage for your rabbits."

Dress: ASOS Black....after a whole year of trawling eBay.
Heels: Birthday gift, originally from Glamourpuss @ Wanted Shoes
Various jewellery: Equip, Diva, Forever21.
Makeup (because I never wear makeup and I fail as a girl): Amanda Thai

Thank you to everyone who came up and said hi to me at the Hurlstone formal/Graduation cruise, it was really lovely to meet some of you - I'm sorry if I'm just about the most awkward girl to ever walk around in studded maryjane platforms.

The post-HSC break has really picked up. My week isn't half as shit-terrible as it was last week. I don't do much though, it's just a lot of eating at Pumpkin @ Strathfield and getting my ears annihilated by my friend's sound system. I've listened to so much RNB and Hip Hop this week that I'm my teeth are going to morph into grillz and soon enough I'll be speaking in rap. One single line from If I was You - Far East Movement keeps repeating itself in my head (OH EM GEE, SHAWTY'S SUCH A FREAK) And this post is really disjointed because I haven't had much sleep in the past week and all I can really think about is how great it would be to have a toasted cheese sandwich in my mouth, right now.

I have a few exciting collaborations coming up, so keep your eyes peeled like...an orange.

Wore it to the Hurlstone formal, the first actual, "proper" photography gig I've ever had. Taking photos for money is fucking amazing. I had so much fun dancing and snapping away to shitty RNB songs, and I was getting paid for it. The only downside was I that I dropped my 50mm and I found out yesterday it's decided to be a little bitch and had collapsed all over the place. When I try to take a photo using it now, it makes this high pitched whir that sounds like I was inserting metal rods up it's ass or something. But yeah, taking photos is actually incredibly fun and I don't suck at it, like I suck at making coffee. So if any of you are ever in need of an events photographer, hollllllllllllla at me (Living in Bankstown gives me enough street cred to say 'holla'), because I'm seriously considering taking it up as an actual part-time job.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Za-ra(zor sharp).

Their November Lookbooks have my heart racing even faster for the Zara opening in Pitt St. mall next April. I would sell my left testicle just to speed time up with Marty McFly to a time where Zara exists in Sydney and there's money in my wallet.

I didn't like as much from the Women's Lookbook, though. The men's one was intensely brilliant. Dress a guy in Zara, place him in a 50m vicinity to me and watch me sniff him out and devour him like I haven't eaten in weeks.

I'm about to listen to Kid Cudi's new album (Man on the Moon II). If it disappoints, I will poop on someone's face.

Zara November Lookbook: Women's | Men's.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Run away as fast as you can

Sorry for my week long absence, I haven't been the best blogger in blog-town. The HSC has pretty much finished for everyone else and I've had a heavy week. Even though the HSC only really finished for everyone a week ago, it seems like a thousand years and so much has happened. If one week feels like this, how will the next 4 months feel? I will probably have aged a few hundred million years and grow a beard to rival Dumbledore's by the time next April rolls around. I haven't had time to do a proper outfit post, but here are a few I've grabbed from here and there from the past week, more to come:

The past week really has only been filled with copious amounts of 'chillun'...I'm so chilled right now that if I got any more chilled the saliva in my mouth would solidify into ice and block my airways probs causing death by asphyxiation. And nobody wants that. Well, I don't want that. I watched The Town. It was shit. Blake Lively's breasts are distracting and alarmingly round. I swear her boobs get rounder and bigger with every episode of Gossip Girl. P.S. GOSSIP GIRL. INTENSE INTENSE. And I'm rambling. I haven't had the best week though, and if you follow me on Twitter you'd probably know already from my multiple consecutive tweets consisting only of swear words. I lost my job, I got sick, my phone got confiscated, I got grounded, things happened with people I care about, I'm confused, I miss people blah blah blah. Things will be okay, I have no reason to be an angsty teenager. I did however, get through to the second stage of the employment process for David Jones, yay. I walked around the city afterwards in my business attire feeling like i could just roundhouse kick everyone in the face, that's how amazing it felt to have one thing go well. Fingers crossed!

And somehow, I've developed this newfound appreciation for my friends. They do so much for me and I think I'd be a puddle on the floor without them. And I know they probably don't read my blog (they have better things to do like play Starcraft and go to the ...gym, but I might as well give them an e-shout out.)

Shirley, Aaron, Hubert, Tim, Peter T, Filip, Cathryn, Alex, Gordon.

You guys have no idea how much I appreciate and love you. /sentimentality

I apologise for the lack of quality in my posts (Quality? In your posts, Jess? Good joke), it's partially because I'm only findnig time to blog late at night and I've barely had sleep in the past week. I'm also currently rewatching The OC Season 2 and settling in for a night on the couch because I saw a mosquito the size of my balls just buzzing around my room like it owned the place. And I can't handle that right now. Courage. I have it. See you guys around xx

P.S. Kanye West is a douchebag. But his new album sends me into spasmodic fits of joy.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Penniless wishing.

ASOS ALFIE Leather Chelsea Ankle Boots in black / tan and Women's Sebago Spinnaker Dress Shoes

Boat shoes and Chelsea boots. There's something slightly refined about Chelsea boots. They're conventionally ugly as fuck and fit in with the whole wearing-work-boots-and-passing-it-off-as-fashionable trend, but they're different somehow. Like the long lost cousin of Docs who drinks earl grey tea with their pinky sticking out and smells overwhelmingly like musk, BUT doesn't mind eating food off the floor providing it's within 5 seconds of contact.

And boat shoes. A male I know wears his allll the time, and they look good on him, but I never really considered the women's version until I decided to slip my feet into his boaties. And even though it made me look like Ronald McDonald because his feet are, like, size 50000, I really liked how they looked. Also, it further establishes my cred as a (internet) pirate. Although I guess sailors wear boat shoes more than pirates do...whatever, shut up.

H&M Garden Collection Kimono Dress. It's like a fruit salad. On my body. What more could you ask for out of a summer dress.

Knock Knock Novelty Pads.

Antipodium Hail Mary Cross Embroidered Shift Dress @ ASOS

I couldn't find a pic, but I saw a skirt at Incu made out of this fabric, in white, with the black trimming. And it was INCREDIBLE. If I owned this, it'd be one of the only pieces of clothing I would have that would not inspire dirty looks if I wore it to church. I wanted to physically sew the waistband of the skirt into my skin and use it as an excuse to never take it off. But, oh, wait, it was $225. And I'm broke as a joke.

P.S. For those who wanted to know where the wedges in my last post were from: Cooperative Suede Quarterstrap Wedge from UO.

What's on your wishlist?